This was written on Sunday, January 8th. I have let my self doubt not publish it until now…but I’m letting go and letting God. Enjoy!
Not sure where to start with this entry. I have so many thoughts racing through my head (and heart) but here goes…
We recently attended a wedding where we sang In Christ Alone as part of the ceremony for the bride and groom. It struck a chord in me that day as a mom. At weddings a chord that is typically struck in me is “I’m so thankful for my marriage” or “I love Chris so much, how can we make our marriage even better?” Or maybe even just the wonderful memories that our wedding gave us start racing through my head. But this time was different. I walked away wanting to be more on fire for the Lord in my motherly duties. Don’t get me wrong, first and foremost I see myself as a woman of God, loving her husband with enough love that overflows to her children. But, that is not always the case, the kiddos seem to come first more often than not and poor Chris gets put on the back burner. But with that said, I KNOW that my marriage comes first and it is always something I am working on. However, since that wedding I feel the Lord has been working in me as a mom. In the last month a few things have taken place, conversations have happened that I just can’t shake. Not that I want to shake them, but usually I move on, start focusing on something else, or just plain forget! I know what your thinking….”in the last month”….that really isn’t that long of a time, come on Melanie…but for you mother’s out there you know that a month is like 10 years passing you by, especially with little ones around. The days go so fast and before you know it it’s Christmas again! So this time around I am NOT going to forget what chord was struck in me. And I think because the Lord has struck the same chord in me 3 times in the last month, I am going to act on it.
As of right now, my action is going to be writing. Writing in this blog things that happen to me as a mom that I feel the Lord wants me to share with other moms, to-be moms, friends of moms, etc. I also plan to compile some research regarding the topic below….so for you mom’s out there that know me personally(who am I kidding, no one reads the blog that DOESN’T know me personally) be prepared to answer a few questions for me in the next few months! I really want your opinion on what I am about to unfold below!
First off…you must listen/watch this song…
When The Passion was released I was in my last semester of college and living abroad in Australia but there was no way in the world I was going to wait to see the movie until I got back to the states. So myself and a friend, who was in the same exchange program as me, went to see it in theaters the weekend it was released. Obviously I was not a mother at the time, but walking away from that movie I had a overwhelming feeling for Jesus’ mother, Mary. The movie as a whole shook me to my core, as I am sure it did for many of you. Having loved the Lord with all my heart since I was 11, and always being a visual learner, that movie brought a new meaning to Jesus dying for MY sins. To watch a mother go through the death of her son was very hard for me to see, yet breath taking at the same time knowing that Mary trusted the Lord enough to watch her son go thru the things he did.
I am sure some of you know those lyrics by heart, I do not. So when I heard “In Christ alone! who took on flesh…Fulness of God in helpless babe!” the first time it reminded me that Christ too was a baby just as Caden and Taylor were/are. Fast forward to today at church we sang In Christ Alone again, this time as we sang those same lyrics above, the image of Mary holding her son came to mind. My mind finally, Lord’s timing I’m sure, put two and two together….Oh.My.Gosh…Jesus was a “helpless babe” just like Caden and Taylor. Just like all the other precious children out there. For some reason I always pictured Jesus as a very independent, strong, all knowing man. But for a period of his life he was a baby, a toddler, learning to feed himself, learning to go potty, learning to read, learning not to run too fast or he might fall. He too, needed guidance from his mother (and father) just like Caden and Taylor. Wild concept to me…maybe some of you are thinking I am crazy right about now….duh Melanie he was a baby, hence Christmas, Jesus’s BIRTHday!! yeah, yeah, just hear me out.
The scripture for our church service today was John 2:1-11…
1 On the third day a wedding took place at Cana in Galilee. Jesus’ mother was there, 2 and Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding. 3 When the wine was gone, Jesus’ mother said to him, “They have no more wine.” 4 “Woman, why do you involve me?” Jesus replied. “My hour has not yet come.”5 His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.” 6 Nearby stood six stone water jars, the kind used by the Jews for ceremonial washing, each holding from twenty to thirty gallons.[b] 7 Jesus said to the servants, “Fill the jars with water”; so they filled them to the brim. 8 Then he told them, “Now draw some out and take it to the master of the banquet.” They did so, 9 and the master of the banquet tasted the water that had been turned into wine. He did not realize where it had come from, though the servants who had drawn the water knew. Then he called the bridegroom aside 10 and said, “Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best till now.”11 What Jesus did here in Cana of Galilee was the first of the signs through which he revealed his glory; and his disciples believed in him.
The teaching at our church was more on Jesus’s disciples having an epiphany about who Jesus was, but alas I had my own epiphany! I felt God calling me as a mom, a friend, a mentor even, to share my stories, my findings, my epiphanies with others that might be going through the same things as me and to lean on others that are going through it as well, to learn from others stories. As a mother, when you come to the realization that part of your duty is to teach your child about the Lord’s unveiling love and to raise your child in a Christ filled home your “job” can quickly become overwhelming amongst the daily grind of teaching manners, potty training, rules, discipline, playing nicely together with friends, deciding which preschool to send them to, eventually teaching them to read, algebra(that’s Chris’s job when the time comes!), chemistry, etc. And then helping them make good decisions with their life..which college, which girl/boy to date or supporting them through a break up or a bad grade or a job that they didn’t get. I am getting ahead of myself here, my kids are only 3 and 1. Nonetheless, Motherhood IS overwhelming. But to know that Mary went through it gives me hope. And she went through it with at least 5 kids known in scripture, and one of those being Jesus, our Savior.
That scripture above is one of the handful of times that Mary interacts with Jesus in scripture. Unfortunately, as mother’s we do not have a lot of guidance in the Lord’s word from Mary as a mother, none really in those years that Jesus was a baby, toddler, young boy. Yet, I desire to learn from Mary, I wonder how she disciplined Jesus, how she and Joesph taught their children to obey their mother and father and most importantly what her role was in supporting Jesus in His calling. I want to break down the scripture above in my opinion. To know that Jesus and his disciples had “also been invited to the wedding” shows us that Jesus is well into adulthood by now, he is not living with his parents anymore, he is an independent young man, listening to the will of his Father, our Lord. So when Mary gets Jesus involved in the ordeal of needing more wine I saw that as a mother’s guidance to help her son see God’s will. As a gentle push towards where the Lord intends Jesus to go. As if Mary knew that he was suppose to make water into wine, she trusted the Lord enough to listen to the holy spirit and guide her son in the right direction.
At Jesus’ age he really didn’t need his mother’s guidance, so when as mother’s do we let go? When do we put our child’s life completely in the Lord’s hands? In my opinion and something that I have to work at EVERY SINGLE day is the day you decide to have a baby, to adopt or find out you are pregnant. That is the time you put your child’s life in the Lord’s hands completely!! Yes, easier said than done. But if you truly live your life for the Lord every day I strongly feel that you will get guidance from Him for the fulfillment of your daily tasks as a mom or a mom to be. You will say and teach the things to your kids that the Lord wants you to and you will know when to take a step back, sometimes after you have already put your foot in your mouth, but that is how we learn to follow the Lord’s will, with failures. I am by no means there…I second guess myself CONSTANTLY(even in writing this blog)…but I don’t want to live like that, so I want to join together with other moms and figure out how to be a Modern Mary. A mom confidant in the choices she makes. (the term Modern Mary came to me while singing In Christ Alone this morning…go figure) You would think that just knowing to trust the Lord as a mom would be all you need to know, but just knowing is not enough when it comes to dealing with a temper tantrum in the grocery store or guarding your daughter from all the worldly elements that will tell her she is not beautiful in this life. It will take more.
As a dear friend recently told me “The enemy only knows what you do and say, he does not act on our thoughts, so we need to act on our thoughts.” Here I am acting on my thoughts, and yes this blog has taken all of nap time and then some to write. And as Caden plays trains on my legs right now, I wonder if writing this was what I was suppose to do, or should I have stopped writing and taken my kids to the park as soon as they woke from their nap? Who knows!? I just know that I am excited about writing more for us Modern Marys that are trying to teach our children the Lord’s gracious love while keeping our kids happy and healthy.
I feel a connection to Mary as a mother. The Lord had put this connection in my heart and I want him to use me in any way he can.
And to add: caden said he wants to help me so I asked him, “How can I be a good mom to you?” His response: “please get me a treat.” looks like I have my work cut out for me! Geesh! At least he said please.
I leave you with yet another song from this morning. Learning to give the Lord all of me is going to be a life long endeavor, but a fun one!!
I promise future entries will not be this long!